We have an interesting self bias, which I think is important to understand when trying to communicate effectively. Our self bias presents in several ways but some of the most common are as followed:
1. The bad things that happen to us are due to external forces, while the bad things that happen to others are somehow a product of their own doing.
2. Good things that happen to us are due to our personal efforts, while good things that happen to others are a matter of luck.
3. Our mood is caused by external factors (i.e. if we're rude to someone it's because we got bad family news.) Other people's mood are caused by their personality. (i.e. if someone is rude to us, it's because they're self-centered.)
Understanding that we have this bias helps us be on the lookout for when it presents itself in areas of conflict. Even if these three points do not resonate with you, just observe your thoughts and behavior over the next few weeks. Notice when you have times of being critical or judgemental of others, and perhaps when you feel victimized. Of course, this is no way scapegoats someone's ill treatment of you, but it allows you to see things from a different perspective in order to communicate more effectively.