Have you ever heard the saying that it takes five kind statements to undo one negative statement in a relationship? Why is it that our minds seem to harness the negative things we hear and experience? We're told that we need to think positively and there are so many tools geared towards letting go of the negative things in life. I have a theory on this mind issue and it traces back to our ancestors. In order for them to survive long enough for us to get here, they had to escape the dangers of their world that prevented them from having their basic needs met. These instincts are fear based because anticipating the negative things is what allowed them to live. Fortunately we now live in a world where the majority of us have our basic needs met relatively easily. We can go to the grocery store and buy food that we can store in our refrigerator until we want to cook it over our easy-to-turn-on stoves. We have a protected place to sleep at night. Our society is becoming more sexually open so even our sexual needs are easier to satisfy. It's far from a perfect world, but we don't have the same struggles as our ancestors once did.
1. Fight Fear With Love
The opposite of a fear based motivation is a loved based one. If you focus on the negative of the situation, you give more power to that and set yourself up for failure. You have to proceed as if you're working to better the fear rather than as if you're looking to get the experience over with. You can do this by picking a speech topic that you can get passionately excited about if your fear is public speaking. If you have a fear of needles, you can make a conscious choice to donate blood and do research on the conditions that benefit from your donation. Find the love in the situation and run with it.
2. Reframe the Situation
The same things your body experiences when you are afraid are the same things your body experiences when you are excited. You get the same rush of adrenaline. The difference is your feelings behind your bodily functions. Instead of feeling the fear, you can tell yourself that you are excited. It's ok if you don't believe it at first. But changing the underlying feeling changes your perception of the experience, and overtime it changes your association to it.
3. Work with Your Subconscious Mind
You subconscious mind is most powerful before you fall asleep at night because your dream state is when it takes the reins. You can work with your subconscious mind by repeating a mantra to yourself before you fall asleep. Some ideas are "I am passionate about public speaking", "Heights a thrilling to me", and "I feel calm when faced with a test." Your mind will work out those fears in your dreams to help you deal with them so that your mantras can be true.