Do you think it's healthier to love with attachment or detachment?
When this question was first presented to me, I was sure that loving with attachment was healthier. Being detached seemed sad, lonely and guarded. How could that be a good thing? What I learned was that I was looking at detached love from my own definition of it. At the time I was in a place where I was not open to romantic relationship, and I approached dating with a strong sense of detachment. I realized that it was a defense mechanism and I assumed that made it unhealthy. And it was. That kind of detached love isn't intimate.
So when we talk about detached love, we need to define it differently. Detached love is loving your partner without that feeling being defined by what that person does for you. That means that you can appreciate someone and love them without needing them to love you back. You can appreciate them as a human without them providing you with some kind of service or favor (i.e. cooking for you). While you might love the way their actions make you feel, you do not love them as a human for those actions.
This kind of love is a lot more flexible and forgiving than attached love. This kind of love stands the test of time. When we think that we love someone because they do certain things or act a certain way, what happens to that love when they stop doing those things or acting that way? When we think we love someone because we're compatible with them, we put them in a box and inherently fear change that might make them different from us.
Loving without attachment to your role in the other person's life or your relationship label allows you to see the other person more clearly. It allows you to appreciate them for simply being them. It allows love to simply be.