Something I am finding with my clients right now is the common understanding that no one will save you but yourself. Sometimes people find me when they are seeking a quick solution. They want to change, but they aren't yet invested in it. Which is fine. That is part of the journey and that resistance has to be overcome in order to experience real changes.
However, at some point before you can solidify the changes you want, you have to accept responsibility for it. This is hard for several reasons. For one, it might mean challenging your identity. If you identify as a good person but you've been selfish in your relationship, you might struggle with accepting a side of yourself that you define as not being good.
For two, it means finding the balance between your experiences and how you've handled them without placing judgement. For example, if you grew up in a home where your parent had a quick temper and they often spoke harshly, it isn't your fault that they hurt your feelings. You were the child, they were the parent and if you did something that is upsetting they were responsible for handling it in a healthy way.
If you internalized that pain into adulthood and have associations that those reactions are normal, you may respond to your own children in the same manner. While we can say that you developed those associations through your parents, in this circumstance you are responsible for your own reactions. Does this mean you beat yourself up over it? Of course not. It means that it is your responsibility to understand your background to take action towards making healthy changes.
You are responsible for yourself; your own success, happiness, and health. It's easier said than done, but the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can accomplish habits that lead to a joyful life.