Either we’ve been there ourselves or we know someone who has. I’m talking about someone who has a history of rough dating experiences. You know, the person who says “Every person I like is taken”, “I can’t seem to find someone who actually wants to commit. They act like they do, then they drop off the face of the Earth”, or “Every person I’ve ever been with cheats on me.” This person seems to find all the slimiest fish in the dating pool.
So why does this happen repeatedly to this person while everyone else seems to be falling into relatively healthy relationships at the drop of a hat? Like with everything, the subconscious is at fault. There are several different reasons why a person would have a subconscious reason for attracting these kinds of relationship. Here are the more common ones:
1. They’re attached to being single.
They may want to stay single subconsciously, and might not even be aware of it. Being single has its perks. They don’t have to think about anyone else. They don’t have to compromise things such as space, wanting to move to exotic places or travel, and their routine. There is a lot of freedom in not settling down with someone.
2. They haven’t been exposed to healthy relationship dynamics.
As they grew older, they probably saw healthy relationships out in the world. Unfortunately, good relationships tend to be like icebergs. The outcome of the hard work is the only thing on display, the hard work itself is beneath the surface. So they see what they want, but they don’t know how to attain it.
3. They may be trying to heal a past relationship.
They say that girls often marry their fathers, and boys marry their mothers. While it can sometimes be pegged down to familiarity, it can also be that they perceived a lack of acceptance in childhood. (Or it can have nothing to do with their parents, but a perception of lack of acceptance from peers or romantic interests.) The idea here is that they continue unhealthy relationship dynamics in order to fill that void that comes from that initial perception of rejection. Which explains why sometimes when a girl has a parent who is emotionally unavailable, she may fall for men who refuse to commit.
If you are unaware of your reasons for attracting negative relationships, consider these things.
1. What do you think about being single? Maybe make a pro-con list.
2. What do you think about being in a relationship? A pro-con list here could help too.
3. What is your relationship pattern? Who instigates the relationship, who breaks it off, etc
4. Why do you think the pattern is set up that way? (I.e. do you instigate a relationship early on because you don’t trust the other person to do it?)
5. Where do you see this pattern in other areas of your life?
Now that you have some direction in figuring out why your relationships are the way that they are, we can talk about how to heal yourself from those patterns so you can start fresh! Stay tuned for my next update for more details.